In yoga and mindfulness, we come to a place of stillness. At least we try to. There are always sounds and distractions around us, but after you’ve been practicing a long time, you learn to incorporate these distractions into your practice. You see – being mindful isn’t about closing off thoughts and closing off sounds and making sure everything and everyone around you is silent.
Could you imagine?
“HEY! SHUT THE @#$%$ UP I’M MEDITATING!”
How peaceful.
The stillness I’m talking about is inside. In fact, at first it doesn’t even feel like a stillness, but what we always try to come to when we “practice” is a state of awareness. A state of being aware. Here’s what I mean: When we sit in meditation, for example, your teacher might say, “Sit and root your sits bones down. Start to draw your breath along your spine from your root, all the way to your head. Focus your mind on your breath – the inhalations and exhalations of your breath.” As you do this, you naturally feel thoughts start to drift away. Will the the thoughts come back? OF COURSE THEY WILL! We’re human! We think! That’s what we do! (I recently came to find out, when studying the Mayan calendar, that when we gave up our tails from the animal kingdom, we gained the mind…(a necessary and very important step!)…however, we do keep evolving spiritually as a conscious collective and who knows…will we be so consciously evolved one day that we may not need it as it is in our current state?) So the point of meditation is not to get rid of all thoughts even though that may come as a byproduct, rather it is to become aware of our thoughts and how we react to them and any situation we may find ourselves in.
“It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways”. -Buddhist saying
Sometimes situations come up that may go “against our principles” or we may come across a situation that we don’t agree with and it calls for us to voice an opposing viewpoint. That’s life. It happens. Feel free to argue. But just be aware of what you’re doing.
Reactions are purely emotional. Sometimes we react and we don’t even realize what we’re saying. This is where a steady practice of meditation can become helpful. Sure there are reasons we react that sometimes seem out of our control: ahem, menstruating or prego women? (Be careful. Their hormones are at an extra high and therefore emotions are running wild!) Of course breathing and meditation is helpful for women during these times but it would be helpful for the person on the receiving end to breathe and observe the situation as well. So if you are on the receiving end of this type of argument, what should you do? Should you stay angry at this person or at this situation for the rest of your life? Should you dwell on the emotions and the tension that you feel? Or should you “step in their shoes” as the old saying goes and try and be the stronger person by not reacting so negatively or violently?
Next time you dwell on a situation or a thought, stop and check in with your body. Really try to see how it feels physically. Is your chest caving in? Does your heart feel tight? Do you have high blood pressure? Emotional reactions can instantly affect us physically and stay with us for as long as we deal with the emotional situation in a calm and loving way. Many people choose to stay angry, thinking this will somehow solve something. Have you ever been angry at someone for something, and then come to find out, weeks, months, or even years later, you are still angry and they have no idea what you’re talking about?
I have a secret for you: when you remain angry and upset at someone, you hold that anger in your heart and you are hurting NO ONE but yourself! It’s true. Take it from the Buddha again: “Hate is not conquered by hate. Hate is conquered by love. This is a law eternal.” Have you ever been given the advice to “take your anger out” on a pillow, just to “get it out of your system”? It might temporarily feel good. But what you’re actually doing is creating more anger. It’s the same thing when you hold anger inside, then confront someone and get into a worse fight, and then stew at home alone again until the next time you see them – Counterproductive!
Unfortunately many people live like this on a daily basis. The point of having a regular practice of stillness – whether that’s sitting in meditation, doing a physical yoga practice, turning off the tv for a few minutes before bed to breathe and clear your mind – is to be aware of how we react to situations that life throws our way. Here is an example of two people at different stages of awareness: I have a friend who went through a divorce years ago. He holds on to so much anger and constantly projects reactions from his past into his future. He is currently in a happy and loving relationship with someone who loves him very much, but he is blind to this love because he is dragging a heavy piece of stuffed baggage around with him from his past which weighs him down terribly with every new situation he finds himself in NOW. He is almost always unhappy and talks about “one day being happy in the future.”
Another friend went through the most hellish year of loss I have ever seen anyone experience. The countless lives that she lost in her family in a year’s time due to illness, sickness or accident are something I never wish to see for anyone. And yet she brings more positivity and light to this world than the most fortunate of souls.
The difference? Perspective. Living in the now or worrying (living) in the past or future. Choosing hate or choosing love.
Practice. Remember that love and hate are so close on the emotional spectrum. They are both emotions. True love comes from within. To stop an outward display of anger and hate, loving yourself first, forgiving yourself (for everything – even if you can’t put a finger on why you should forgive yourself right now!) is the key. Love conquers love. Love also conquers fear. When you practice stillness, you practice love and those negative emotions all become love. Don’t believe me? You don’t have to. But when you practice, you’ll see.
I choose love.
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